Leave Nothing on the Table

I have a recurring nightmare and it always wakes me up in a rush of worry.

I’ve been transported back to the final year of my Master of Architecture degree. The lecturer is reading out the final-year project description, brief, deliverables and grading system. I’m half asleep in the back of the lecture theatre thinking about what I am going to eat for lunch.

I hate it.

It’s not a nightmare where I am absolutely terrified, or wake up because something is in my bed, but every time I have it, I end up with a big, strangling knot in my stomach. I loathe these dream sequences. Some nightmares wake you up, and soon thereafter, you forget. This one, however, stays with me.

When you suffer through things multiple times, eventually you get curious and you reflect.

What I am actually feeling here is regret. I have regret because I didn’t really apply myself with everything I had during my final year of university.

I regret that I didn’t try my absolute best. I regret not seeing what I was truly capable of.

I left it all on the table.

The only thing we can look back on and say is “I tried my best”. Our effort is something that defines us.

I now believe that giving your all to the task at hand is important. Regret is something none of us want to live with.

It’s funny, as I write this, I feel a wave of forgiveness washing over me. It’s OK - I left some stuff on the table - but guess what? If I hadn’t, I might be living a different life to the life I am living right now, and I am absolutely at peace with that thought. If I had the chance to go back and do it all over again today, I wouldn’t go back.

I love where I am at this very moment, so I will take this as it is, a lesson learnt. As we walk forwards, we will leave nothing on the table.

Fate works in mysterious ways, and some things are what they are. But this gives you no excuse to leave anything on the table today.

And as a bonus, since writing this, the dream hasn’t come back to haunt me.